OTTAWA, ONTARIO – As Mark Carney continues to get accolades and praise around the world, Pierre Poilievre has taken a new strategy. As Poilievre’s standing in the polls plummets he has decided to focus on the bread and butter issues Canadians really care about. Or in this case, hotdog buns. Poilievre has moved to start a task force to come down hard on corporations who insist on selling buns 8 to a pack and hotdogs in packs of 10.
“This has to stop,” Poilevre declared as he smashed his fist down on the counter, leaving his fist print in the buns.
Poilievre announced, “the real problem is deciding who should change their packaging standards first.” In a chicken and egg themed press conference Poilevre said he would redirect a million dollars of money from foodbanks towards a government task force. “We need to get a definitive answer to an issue that effects picnics and Canadians from coast to coast to coast.”
As well Poilievre said he would also attempt to determine if there was truly some time morph variance that causes time to slow down dramatically as you wait for your pizza pop to heat up in the microwave. “That can’t possibly be only two minutes!” he declared.
