Chatting with a friend the other day, we both agreed, the recent election in Canada caused us to act like, dare I say it, Americans. And that’s probably not the greatest compliment these days. I apologize to all the “good” Americans. But for the rest of you, rot in your American only automobiles, or better yet, in your slick new jails. Who doesn’t need a warm weather get away in sexy El Salvador. Admit it, you’ve always wanted to learn Spanish so you could read your cell mates tatoos. And for those bourbon producing states where a full set of teeth is pretty cool, keep your corn mash. We can make our own sub-par alcohol here without importing yours.
Phew, that felt better. A good rant is sometimes the best cure for what ails ya. Because what we need in this day and age is more ideological division. A good screaming match on neighbouring lawns makes you feel alive, and passionate about politics and city fence bylaws. In the Toronto region, where this publication is mostly soberly crafted, it’s just a short drive to 905. You can load up the young innocents and drive to a land where interesting new words with aggressive k’s are flapping from a banner mounted in the back of monster trucks; trucks that idle for hours while the owners lament the “good old days” when Trudeau was just a drama teacher and truckers were aloud the freedom they deserve to block off an entire city in the middle of a pandemic in the name of a peaceful tailgate party.
As we all settle into our choices of the least dishonest politician qualified to run our great nation, we at CanuckChuck welcome you to our publication. I thought it would be a great newspaper, but younger minds informed me there is this thing called the internet and TwitSnap or FaceHub or something along those lines. We’re proud to share serious news to serious Canadians who don’t need a laugh. Because if you really did want a chuckle you’d go to The Beaverton, or The Onion, or one of those professional comedy sites. We are proud of our amateur status and marvel at how little we can create after so much time.
Anyone can be the best. We are obliged by our Canadian passport to shed off any bold pronouncements of superiority. We are proudly Canadian and ready to ride this tsunami of buy Canadian. With any luck, people will remember they can read as well as scroll.
