Ellis Island has been Declared Toronto Island by Doug Ford
After a heated week of geography musical chairs, Ontario Premiere Doug Ford has agreed to set the record straight.
Lake Ontario, originally named after indigenous leader Big Chief Floating Water Bottle, will continue to be called Lake Ontario. But in an effort to connect reality with geography, Ford has proclaimed the welcoming spot of millions of Americans to now be known as Toronto Island.
And to make his point, Ford declared old Lady Liberty was moved to her new Canadian location in the dead of night. Ice officers declared she was allowed over the border into Canada without interrogation because, in their words, “Green isn’t brown and her name didn’t contain anything muhammidy.”
Canada awaits President Trumps usual well thought out response to this new historical awakening.
